Dear persons of faith,
Last week, I expressed that I was done with listening to you. I am not asking that your systems of faith be outlawed, you are allowed to believe whatever you like. I am, however, tired of your thousands-of-years-old books supposedly having something valid to say about matters of policy and procedure. So please, allow me to explain to you the way things are now.
From now on, the only people I want to hear from when it comes to the end of the world are scientists who have valid reason to raise alarms. Any person of faith who claims to know when the end of times is coming should be assumed by the masses to be suffering from some form of brain chemistry problem, and must be treated accordingly. It is grossly immoral for you to promote your end-of-days crap, terrifying people and leading the faithful to kill themselves to satisfy your nonsensical beliefs.
Once upon a time, I was a young lad in college. One of my fellow students was Steve. He was a good guy, and while we haven’t exactly stayed BFFs forever, he’s definitely someone whom I hold in respect. Steve is highly intelligent and a Christian, something I consider unfortunately uncommon. Obviously he and I differ in opinions on things, but the conversations we have generally are respectful and fun.
Feet are interesting. They smell weird sometimes, creepy people get all wuggy about them on fetish sites, they walk, and they often poke out of the bottom of the bed. But it turns out that they do so much more. Reflexologists tell us that they control absolutely every aspect of our bodies and our minds. If we put our feet in foot ionizers, 
Alzhemed. Man, it could have been a huge thing. The data looked good. The tests looked good. The company’s stock was rising. Their drug was showing real promise as a means to fix Alzheimers. Everything was perfect. But unfortunately, the good times couldn’t last forever.