I was just poking around Pharyngula, and I saw this post. It turns out that, unbeknownst to me, some Catholics are promoting the idea that the UN has a secret agenda to make half the world gay in the next 20 years. Unfortunately, they don’t spill the beans on how they go about making people turn gay. It makes sense that it could be done, though, as we know that the fundagelicals are able to turn someone back from being gay with prayer and retreats.

What is the recipe for gay? I have gay friends, maybe they will let me in on the secret. I know I’m not gay, so perhaps it can be found in the things I dislike, from marmalade to top 40 music. But there’s such a vast amount of data to move through, and it could be combinations, like a minimum of 2 hours of top 40 music per day mixed with marmalade sandwiches and regular exposure to true crime novels. I don’t know how I’ll figure it out without someone helping me to understand.

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I was unaware of the obvious link between gay marriage and massive earthquakes, but fortunately for me, Jen McCreight shared the information. I always thought earthquakes were caused by the shifting of plates along fault lines, but clearly it’s actually all about homos.

But what I really wanted to horn in on were the comments made by Rabbi Levin, a man who I’m sure considers himself to be quite a fair and godly man. On the topic of homosexuality, they quote him thusly: ”‘We don’t hate homosexuals,’ he says. ‘I feel bad for homosexuals. It’s a revolt against God and literally, there’s hell to pay.’”

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I’m all for masturbation. I haven’t done it anywhere near as regularly because the Lovely Lady has a way of keeping me smiling, but when I was single, I had a grip that would crush bricks. And I couldn’t care less who knows it. I’m human, and humans find the act of masturbating entirely enjoyable. So do other primates, and I’m sure any number of other creatures in the wild world pass a lazy afternoon with thoughts of the supermodel of their choice.

Not only is masturbation fun, it’s normal. I know lots of people who will argue till they are blue in the face that they don’t masturbate, but those people are either totally sexually repressed people who feel they have to lie about it or they are totally sexually repressed people who choose to make themselves feel bad. Either way, I don’t want to be one of those people.

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