Category Archives: funny

The Vortex And The Whirlpool

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If you have ever witnessed an episode of The Vortex, a show hosted by Michael Voris, S.T.B. (which I assume stands for Straight Talkin’ Bastard) and put out by RealCatholicTV, then you’ve seen the unfettered power of the Internet at work. And by that I mean that the incompetent, arrogant, and ignorant individual can promote his particular ideology of conspiracy, hate, and self-adulation to the masses. You may think I’m stretching when I say that, but RealCatholicTV has at the time of this writing some 8030 subscribers to their YouTube channel and over 3 million channel views.

Voris is a far right evangelical Catholic. He has many videos such as this one where he explains how homosexualism (I’m pretty sure that’s not a word) is dangerous, how same sex attraction can be handled by living with humility for Jesus. He promotes the idea that no faithful Catholic can vote for Barak Obama, or really any democratic candidate. He speaks slowly, but key words are written on the screen as he says them so that you can know when he’s for serious.

I have never watched one of his videos where I didn’t feel the urge to vomit into his bad hairpiece. I bet you can’t either.

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Best. Movie. Ever.

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They haven’t even made it yet, but The Waiting Game looks like the best movie ever. I was just over at Blaghag, Jen McCreight’s blog (ZOMG EVIL BOOBQUAKEZ MULSIM GONNA KEEL HER!) and saw her thoughts on the movie under the title I’m a sucker for terrible Christian movies. And I have to say, I’m with her. I haven’t seen many (so I guess I’m not with her, just open to giggling) but I do want to start watching more of them. When I found out they made not one but movies out of the Left Behind series, I was excited. But this? SERIOUSLY? I’m damn near giddy.

Oh, while you’re at Jen’s blog, check out the post about the G-Spot and the research that has gone into it (Why is the G-spot still such a mystery?). I quite enjoyed the post and was surprised at the crap quality of the research. I can tell you from my own personal experience, and this is not bravado, that I do believe in the g-spot, but I’m also quite prepared to accept a scientific consensus to the contrary if a suitable explanation for female ejaculation could be found.

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I’ve Been Podcasted!

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Last night, I had the almost unbelievable pleasure of getting to sit around with Froid and Ozzy from the Nofamouspeople podcast and babble my way through a very fun interview. If you want to give it a listen, check out this link and in general give the podcast a listen.

We started off talking about this site here, and quickly moved into the shared discussion areas of the local punk rock scene, tour stories, and generally laughing at our lives. It was a lot of fun, and makes me want to do a Meddling Kids podcast with Mark, but in order to do that I am going to need to spend money I don’t have on equipment to do it up proper-like. But who knows, perhaps that is what the future holds?

At any rate, a huge thanks to Froid and Ozzy for letting me talk on the internets. I had a great time, and hopefully you’ll giggle a bit. But if you’re at work, wear earphones.

Jim

A Few Great Youtube Videos To Share

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I’ve had a couple of these that I wanted to share lately, but it seems like a waste to put up a whole blog post just to say “OMG THIS FUNNEH”. So here are a few funny and interesting videos to whet your appetite. Also, I have decided to deface a great work of art at the bottom. I got the idea while watching the first video referenced, but now I can’t imagine what it was that inspired it.

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Consider The Source

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When science fiction becomes science. That is the claim that heads the we’re-past-the-order-banner-and-in-to-the-meat section of the Quantum Jumping web site. Unfortunately, this is clearly a typographical error. It should read “When bad fiction and horrible TV drama become the basis for claims that science will never be able to back up.”

It should always be a warning when heavy scientific concepts like quantum mechanics are written about by people whose background is having “…spent over five decades of my life traveling the world and studying spiritual pursuits like meditation, visualization and Qigong under the guidance of the world’s greatest spiritual masters…” Clearly, that’s the sort of background that leads one to a complete understanding of one of the most complicated topics in physical science. Why just the other day I met a guy who had spent five years growing carrots and is now writing a manual on how to genetic engineer food through reiki.

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Timeless Love

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Romeo and Juliet… King Arthur and Gwenhwyfar… Helen of Troy and that guy who slaughtered all those people to get her back again… Adam and Eve… It seems like all the stories of timeless love really are nothing more than stories. When I was an ugly, nerdy kid, I would hear these stories (or in the case of Romeo and Juliet, eviscerate them line by line in a high school English class in what must have been an attempt to ensure that nobody would ever find a shred of beauty in Shakespeare’s words ever again) and wonder sadly what was wrong with me that I couldn’t even get a date.

Well, times have changed. I now find myself an ugly, nerdy adult blissfully trapped in a timeless love with a ridiculously wonderful woman whom I refer to on this blog solely as The Lovely Lady because I don’t need you creeps creeping on her. And today I saw a picture that makes me think that timeless love is possible. All it takes is enough amber.

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When The Covering Lie Is Equally Disturbing

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This morning, Pharyngula directed me to this story, and as PZ says, it just doesn’t come as a shock anymore. The Reverend Grant Storms, a fundagelical preacher from The Reformer Church who has spearheaded campaigns to end the “depraved” homosexual party called Southern Decadence, was caught masturbating in his van in front of a park full of children playing.

I would have hoped that such a moment in this man’s life would have led to him on his knees begging forgiveness for his sins and admitting his crimes. But of course, he took the road less travelled and tried to lie his way out of trouble. His claim is that, while eating his lunch in his van, he got all full of the pee pee, and he wanted to relieve himself into a bottle rather than going to a bathroom. I’m surprised he didn’t make further allegations that peeing in your van is safer, because evil homos hide in men’s rooms or something.

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When I’m Dead, Save My Head

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I know that I already posted here about what to do with my body when I died, but I’ve had a chance of heart after reading this article on Pharyngula. Now it all makes sense! No more interesting and potentially life-saving donating my body to science, that’s for sissies and chumps. Nope, when I die, I want them to carefully shape my skull into some cool head tupperware.

It would clearly be something that could be handed down from generation to generation, ensuring a legacy that medical testing simply cannot provide. I mean really, who wouldn’t want to eat leftover Chinese food from the severed head of one of their ancestors? I only wish my ancestors had been crafty enough to think about this. Whatever happened to reduce reuse recycle?

Of course, there are concerns that I don’t know the answer to. Is human bone dishwasher-safe? Does it need to in some way be cured before it can be used to store food? Why doesn’t Google have the answers?

This would all be a lot easier if Ed Gein were still alive…

Jim

Hotel Room Silicone Butt Schadenfreude

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Discover Magazine’s Discoblog has a great article for the darker side of laughing today, and being a guy who loves a good darkly comic tale, I thought I’d share it. The article is entitled The Dangers of Silicone Butt-Injections (in Sketchy Hotel Rooms), which should pretty much sum up the meat of the story.

I’d like to feign astonishment that anyone on earth would think that a hotel room was the right environment for any kind of medical procedure, but I’m afraid I cannot. We live in a world where people still choose to ride without seatbelts despite the ridiculous amount of data that says that not doing so is just plain dumb. We live in a world where people think drops of water can cure their hepatitis. We live in a world where common sense isn’t common until someone mentions it.

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Climate Change Comic Strip

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I’m no expert on climate change, but I’m also smart enough to recognize that the people who are denying it so vehemently are almost exclusively those who benefit from the consumption of products that create climate change. Vested interest loses them points in the “who do you believe” conversation. Meanwhile, the scientists who are studying this data from as unbiased a position as possible are almost completely of the opinion that this is the case. So I’m going to side with the experts and not the profiteers. It would be like saying that eating Big Macs is healthy because Ray Kroc told you all those dietitians were lying.

That said, it’s a hard argument to make to John Q. Public, or at least it’s being presented as a hard argument. And then along comes a web comic that puts it all nicely into perspective. You have to love it when someone comes up with a simple way to explain a complicated issue without dumbing it down or fudging the facts. Enjoy and share!

Jim