Snake Oil And Burning Vaginas

I love advertising from the golden age and earlier, especially quack medical advertisements, like the bottle of Bayer’s Heroin meant to calm your nerves. I find them cute and stunning at the same time, so number 5 on Cracked Magazine’s The Five Most Insane Original Uses of Famous Products was just about perfect for me. Too lazy to click the link? Well, that’s okay, I’ll just tell you that the original use for Lysol was as a feminine hygiene product.

Yeah. For serious. Now you want to click that link, don’t you? I’ve used Lysol, and I have to say that the last possible use I would imagine for it would be cleaning out a vagina. Douche with a zing? No thanks.

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A Fine Example Of What’s Wrong With Alternative Medicine

What’s the harm? It’s the mantra of alternative health. The implication is that if you are reasonably using western medicine and want to supplement with a little placebo-ridden woo, what harm does it do? Unfortunately, that isn’t what happens. In practice, people feel that they can deal with life’s curve-balls without involving the health care system, and human lives can be the cost.

Case in point, this article from The Telegraph about a four year old who had a cold with a fever. His mother used homeopathy to treat his woes, and as shocking as it sounds, sugar and water were not enough to beat what ailed him. After three weeks, they took him to the hospital, where he died.

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Let’s Play, Acupuncture!

In an article I read yesterday on Respectful Insolence entitled Acupuncture works for polycystic ovary syndrome except when it doesn’t–which is always, Orac makes the valid point that “[w]hatever disease there is, chances are that you’ll be able to find an acupuncturist claiming that he can treat it and a study claiming that acupuncture is useful for treating it.” I don’t doubt this at all. I bet the same could be said for chiropractic, but for today lets give the green wiener to acupuncture.

Now, as I write this, I haven’t stacked the deck. If there are no hits that I can find, I’ll fess up to that. But I’m going to come up with three illnesses and see if I can google an acupuncturist who claims they can fix the problem. But first, a few words about acupuncture.

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Return Of Old Friends

Some old friends you miss, and some you don’t. For example, I don’t miss the little weasel used to be my good buddy and got me to start playing in bands. That prick is such a self-aggrandizing monster, absolutely certain that he is responsible for every decision I’ve ever made because once upon a time he told me to buy a bass guitar. Also, I hate having friends who get so drunk that they tell you the only reason their brother doesn’t rape your children is because his psychic powers are holding the evil brother away. Yeah, not missing him. But on the contrary, I very much miss my friend Ian, a truly great person who enriched my life for years before going a bit off the deep end and killing himself.

I bet China thinks polio would be more the former than the latter. But when that weird old friend shows up, you really are stuck with him until you can figure out a fix.

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Another Victim Of Detox

It is entirely sad to read stories like this. A 35 year old woman from Quebec has died after a detox program. According to the article, ten women were “wrapped in plastic with mud, and also with blankets.” The idea was that they could sweat out all those nasty toxins from their system. So how did this happen?

Well, the most obvious answer is that ignorant people are dangerous. The people who performed this so-called cleanse no doubt had the best of intentions and legitimately wanted to help their fellow man, but their lack of understanding of the dangers they  were exposing people to is obvious. People in the area, at least according to the article, have heard screaming and carrying on from the farmhouse before. I have to assume that the woo-flingers inside thought they were doing a helpful but uncomfortable service to their customers. But they weren’t.

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Soggy Colons

I’m not speaking of that great jazzy/bluesy song of the same name (“Don’t know why / There’s no sun up in the sky / Soggy colons / Since my man and I / Ain’t together / Keeps cleansing all the time”) but instead about colon irrigation. And I will gladly express in doing so that I am no expert. However, I find the notion a bit disturbing, and I just read an article that has some scientific legs that coincides with my concerns and provides data to back it up.

My largest concerns about colon cleansing have always been around the cleanliness of the equipment (which is something that can be managed) and the magic cure-all (which is not). People seem to think that a nicely cleaned colon can cure a myriad of health concerns, but they never seem to cite specific studies or other scientific proof. I may at the time have fully accepted the divinity of a God, but at least when it came to medical claims, I was keen on making sure there was reason to believe.

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The Dangerous Alt Med Mentality

We often hear from the alt med community that how an intervention works is less important than the fact that it works. If a person isn’t well and you do something to them to make them feel better, isn’t that good enough? Any scientific mind would say that is foolish, but those are the scientists. The majority in our modern world are not nearly so skeptical. I remember an awkward conversation with a friend who had diabetes, and a particular treatment he had been using was being banned for it having serious safety concerns and no actual basis for benefit, yet he swore by it. He insisted to me that it was the fault of the drug companies for not wanting to test his treatment due to it being cheap and readily available, not something that a big drug company could patent and rule the world with.

I understood his frustration, but he was making a serious mistake. If this remedy worked reliably, then it should stand up to scrutiny. But the system is there to protect consumers from those who would take advantage of them. Quite frankly, I explained that I hated the idea that he was taking what appeared to be a dangerous and ultimately unknown treatment for a very serious disease. He used the “I don’t care how it works, it just does!” line on me, and I said that wasn’t enough. He didn’t like that.

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An Intriguing Study Of Chiropractic

I have in the past said that chiropractic was a presumably effective solution to lower back problems. I don’t support chiropractors because they tend to think of their treatments as the One True Cause of illness, and we all know that’s just silly. A properly aligned spine will have no impact on your child’s diabetes no matter what they say. And I can tell you that, having been to two chiropractors in my life, I will never go to another. On both occasions, my impression was that they were stringing me along with maintenance visits that were totally unimportant, and at that point I still believed that they could make a difference. Also, as a side note, when you call yourself Dr. {firstname}, such as Doctor Rick or Doctor Dave, you come across like a hack.

But imagine my surprise when I read today about a study that shatters what I thought I knew about SMT, or Spinal Manipulation Therapy, the fancy name for chiropractic. Now, admittedly I haven’t read the article in question because it is behind a paywall and I am behind a debt wall, but it looks like (assuming the article is accurate) I have to change my opinion about chiropractic.

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Herbal Debitchery

You know how everything about you is just wrong, right? Because there is some perfect common vision of what a person should be like, and you don’t match it. So naturally, what you should do is evaluate every way in which you stray from being perfect and find some way to change each and every thing about you until what you are is an amorphous example of average. Are you too moody? Time for some antidepressants, even if we really haven’t figured out what they are doing and why they are doing it. Tits too small? Silicone it up! (as an aside, one of the most common ways people find this site is by searching for silicone butt injections) We have a society right now that craves homogeneous citizens even as it natters on incessantly at its diversity talking points.

Actually, it’s funny enough to think about it, but at least with regards to facial recognition, this is actually how our brains function. We don’t store all that there is to store in a face because that would be wasteful, so we store what deviates from our own perceived norm, which allows us to hold a lot more faces in our mind’s eye. But I digress.

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It’s Like A Grab Bag Of The Stupid

Homophobia. Deprogramming. Catholicism. Homeopathy. I almost don’t know where to begin.

The Union of Catholic Physicians in Germany are offering homeopathic remedies for homosexuality. It’s cute, because they don’t want to look like the hate-mongering bigots they are, so they make sure to state that homosexuality isn’t a disease, just that they have treatment options for them queer inclinations.

Homosexuality is not a disease. Despite protestations to the contrary, homosexuality occurs in other areas of the animal kingdom, and one of our closest cousins, the bonobos, use sex, both homosexual and heterosexual, to relieve tension. It’s a hell of a lot better than beating the crap out of each other. The image of homosexuality as a disease comes from those who believe for whatever reason that it is an unnatural act to be feared. It certainly isn’t a normal behavior for everyone, but for those who are gay, it is much more natural than heterosexual sex.

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