Saint Mister, Patron Saint Of Acne

I was just reading fellow Canuck Jason Thibeault’s Lousy Canuck, and I caught his post Meet the new Mohawk saint, which is about the Catholic saint Kateri Tekakwitha, and how she has healed a child. I’ve commented about Kateri in the past, and especially love her divinely inspired book of teachings. But it got me to thinking.

As Jason rightly points out, what saved this child could not possibly have been the many doctors struggling against the disease. It had to have been the child’s minimal contact with a product or service that once had contact with a long-dead native convert to Catholicism. Clearly. And then I thought about my general disdain for miracles, but people often tell me there are miracles all around me that I just am not looking at correctly.

Well, now that sunk it. I realized that all this atheism stuff was great, but it couldn’t explain away a pimple I got. I squeezed it. Stuff came out. But the pimple? It came back. At that point, the Lovely Lady squeezed it. Stuff came out. But the pimple? It came back. Then she squeezed it again, and utilized a variety of aesthetics tools. And just when it seemed like things would never get better for me, our cat, Mister, brushed against my leg. And you know what? The pimple didn’t come back!

It couldn’t have been all the squeezing and profound manglings of both the Lovely Lady and myself. No, I have to accept that it was Mister. If he had touched me earlier, the pimple may never have even appeared. But I bet God wanted me to understand, and so he blighted my flesh and caused me great discomfort before sending his messenger of love and healing to me. Praise him! And praise Saint Mister, upon whom some future Pope will no doubt confer the title Patron Saint of Acne.

Now I just gotta figure out how to sell his fur to desperate Catholic mothers tired of their teen-aged kids having troubled skin…

Jim

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About biguglyjim

Like a caterpillar that spins a coccoon and emerges as a walrus with a mohawk, Big Ugly Jim has become something unexpected. Raised a fine young Christian boy in the city of Calgary, Alberta, Canada, Jim began to question his teachings, first evaluating the wisdom of other religious and eventually realizing that none of them seemed any more accurate than any other, and not a one of them made a lick of sense. Today, Big Ugly Jim is a musician, a Business Analyst with Large Oil Company Whose Name Is Not Important, a music promoter with the Calgary Beer Core, a writer of fiction and non-fiction, a prick, an atheist, a father, an ex-husband, a role model, a horrifying vision in a red speedo (or at least he would be, if ever that happened which IT WOULD NOT), an announcer, and soon to be an officiator of weddings. Also, he's nice and does dishes. Madly enamoured with his partner, The Lovely Lady, Jim continues to live in Calgary, spreading his filthy doctrine of free, critical thinking and appreciation for music. His turn-ons include and are utterly limited to all that is The Lovely Lady. His turn-offs include people being shitty to each other, fundamentalism, and zebras. Who the hell do they think they are, really?

4 thoughts on “Saint Mister, Patron Saint Of Acne

  1. Um… link to “divinely inspired book of teachings” – is that supposed to go to Leonard Cohen on Amazon? Sigh. I’m just not hip enough to get the things you kids reference these days…

  2. For any who are confused, Leonard Cohen’s book Beautiful Losers is a semi-autobiographical tale that intertwines with the story of Kateri Tekakwitha. I’m sure Marie knew that, being one of the most literate people I know, but I bet she forgot. Thus the second post. ;)

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