Daily Bible Reading Facepalm #86 – God Wins At Logic, Moses Wins With Ladies, David Wins With God’s Help

Today started badly. I’ve had a great day of work and am getting pleasantly buried in important work in the new role, but I can’t shake the bad feeling. Kinda sucks.

Today’s reading, whose taste is taste is taste is gonna move ya, comes from Hebrews 6:13-20, Exodus 1-2 and Psalm 40. Hebrews has been confusing as all sin to me, and the Psalms are just irritating. We’re into Exodus now, which means the great tale of Moses and Pharaoh. Interestingly, archaeology has punched massive holes in the story to the point of making it almost laughable, but still people try to take it seriously.

Hebrews will not go down as the be all and end all of well considered arguments, that’s for sure. This section essentially makes two points. The first, that you can tell he’s God because he promised Abe that Abe would have a lot of kids and then (after many years) BAM! Abe’s knee deep in diapers. The second is that people swear by something greater than themselves, so when God promises, he’s promising on his promise, which is greater than himself, so you know it’s for sure! That’s some interesting logic…

The beginning of our trip through Exodus is the story of the struggle of the Jews in Egypt. As mentioned earlier, it conflicts with what we have learned about the treatment of the Jews, but who am I to split hairs. I’ll take the book of Exodus as writ. Within a very short time from the days of Jacob and Joseph, the Jews in Egypt are laid low and forced to work as slaves. I’m not really sure how, from reading the description of their tasks, they were working harder than anyone else, but we’ll just assume that is something lost in the translation.

It’s funny, I’ve confused the stories of the murdering of children during Christ’s time (did that happen? I don’t recall it from the first Gospel I read in this series…) and the murdering of children during Moses’s time. I guess the King in Moses’s time just wanted to cripple the Jews so they only had girl-children rather than having a direct plan to kill off a potential enemy from prophecy.

I’m confused on another point here, and always have been. The King says, “Kill me all them Jew babies!” and then his daughter finds a baby, recognizes that it must be Hebrew, and adopts it. Did the King not notice? Me, I think I’d probably hear about it if my daughter was about to have a baby. At least I bloody well hope I would… And it’s not like they tried to hide the fact, they named the kid “I pulled your ass out of the water”, which couldn’t possibly have been a common name at the time. At least I assume Moses means that. The actual words are “She named him Moses because she said, “I pulled him out of the water”, so I’m running on that assumption.

Exodus is neat, though! Remember, this is the story of Moses, the Charlton Heston guy who gave the Jews God’s law. So far we’ve seen liars rewarded with children and Moses killing a guy. Were they really not subject to any divine law before God thought to jot down his Top Ten Ways To Go To Hell? Why does Moses get a pass?

The rest of Exodus is uneventful. Moses runs away from Angry King, meets some ladies, marries them, and if I remember correctly, hears a song about a tapestry that tells him God has a plan for him. Or maybe that was the movie version. Either way, Moses hooks up.

Our Psalm is another of King Dave’s Awesome Psalms. I am literally cringing at the thought of reading another of these things.

Well, it’s better than usual. In this one, Dave is in a surprisingly jovial mood, and is not screaming about how much suffering God has laid on him (but he’s really  merciful). Nope, today we have a Psalm about how God has taken away much of his suffering, and how if you live a good life and don’t sin, God will do the same to you. But then he says, “My sins are all around me, and I can’t find my way. My sins outnumber the hairs on my head, and I feel weak”. So he’s a terrible sinner, and you helped him, and the lesson we are to learn is that not sinning means God will help you? Sorry, but that just doesn’t add up. Silly Yaweh.

Anyway, that’s it for today.

Jim

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About biguglyjim

Like a caterpillar that spins a coccoon and emerges as a walrus with a mohawk, Big Ugly Jim has become something unexpected. Raised a fine young Christian boy in the city of Calgary, Alberta, Canada, Jim began to question his teachings, first evaluating the wisdom of other religious and eventually realizing that none of them seemed any more accurate than any other, and not a one of them made a lick of sense. Today, Big Ugly Jim is a musician, a Business Analyst with Large Oil Company Whose Name Is Not Important, a music promoter with the Calgary Beer Core, a writer of fiction and non-fiction, a prick, an atheist, a father, an ex-husband, a role model, a horrifying vision in a red speedo (or at least he would be, if ever that happened which IT WOULD NOT), an announcer, and soon to be an officiator of weddings. Also, he's nice and does dishes. Jim continues to live in Calgary, spreading his filthy doctrine of free, critical thinking and appreciation for music. And ladies, he's single! Hard to imagine, I know, but this loud-mouthed old timer who never grew up's turn-ons include people who can think for themselves, people who aren't afraid of a good giggle or a good pint, and people who know how to give back rubs. His turn-offs include people being shitty to each other, fundamentalism, and zebras. Fucking zebras... Who the hell do they think they are, really?

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