The gig last night was fantastic with a surprisingly good turnout! My buddy Chuck E. Deadman recorded the set for us (and our last set), and hopefully we’ll have a live recording soon enough. This would make me pleased as punch. I finished my orientation with CJSW yesterday and am now officially a radio station volunteer. Tonight I get to go out and see BDFM, one of my favorite local bands, and tomorrow I will be bouncing at a show featuring Bone Thugs ‘N Harmony, one of those bands from my teen years that I loved. It’s a good weekend.

Today’s reading, which won’t stick to most dental work, comes from Luke 11.29-54, Genesis 20 and Psalm 13. From past experience, I have a feeling that this reading will be about as much fun as emergency dental surgery. I have to keep reminding myself that there is a reason I’m reading this awful book.

I sincerely hope that there are bad translation issues here. Jesus says “You’re like a light, and when lights are light and there’s no dark, then you’ll be light.” Really, Jesus? That’s brilliant. In a similar fashion, I can say that when water is wet and not dry, and you are in water, and you are not dry, then you will be wet. I really believe that.

Next, Jesus proves he’s a disgusting prick. What’s that, you say? Well, Jesus didn’t wash his hands before he ate. That’s gross, and more so at the time when he was alive. His hands would have had all manner of yucky on them, and when the Pharisee he was with calls him on it, he decides the best thing to do is insult his host and act like a giant douche. “I don’t need to wash my hands before I eat because you don’t love God enough”. Kind of a dick move, Jesus. Then, when a teacher of the law of Moses calls him on being a dick, Jesus turns on him and insists that all teachers will be punished for the deaths of prophets from the past. Wow, Jesus. Way to take that constructive criticism.

Next, we have another one of those great moments in Genesis where Abraham lies to everyone about his wife, claiming she is his sister. Naturally, the King decides he needs a piece of that (wait a minute, isn’t she wicked old at this point? Ew!) and God threatens him with death and destruction, even though the King had no idea that he was doing anything wrong. Also, it is revealed that Sarah is Abraham’s half-sister, which is a fine example of how biblical marriage has nothing bad to say about incest. Just ew.

And our Psalm? Jesus, another awful bit of writing. In the first two stanzas, the Psalmist pisses about how sad he is that God doesn’t care about him or know he exists, and then suddenly he changes tack and says that God’s the best, and everything is going to be okay. Seriously, I’d rather read the advice forum on VampireFreaks.com.

Another day, another Bible reading. I’m not richer for it, but each time I read about the incestuous cuckolds, the petulant prophets, and the maudlin Psalmists, it gives me more tools with which to dispute the so-called goodness of this book.

Jim