I’m really happy for today’s gig, and also my second day (or two) of training to volunteer at CJSW. Busy night, but an awesome night. Anyone looking for a fun way to spend their Thursday night should come down to The Distillery and catch our set.
Today’s reading, which should not be taken without first consulting your physician, comes from Luke 11.1-28, Genesis 19 and Psalm 12. Teach me, Jesus! Show me the way! Or at least tell me things I already know and pretend like your simplistic and bipolar morality is new and not a natural adaptation of social animals!
One thing I don’t like in the New International Version is when they take a Bible section that I actually know, and they modernize the language so that it sounds weird. Today, we learned how to pray, only Jesus didn’t say it how I’m used to, and it sounded weird as hell. He then went on to tell us that if we are jerks, we get our way. I’m starting to see why the religious right are so quick identify with Jesus…
Also, for those of us who aren’t Christians, it’s important to learn this lesson: Don’t feed your children snakes or give them scorpions to play with. Thanks, Jesus!
Then Jesus explains that he’s obviously on God’s side. If he was on Satan’s side and he forced demons out of people, then Satan would be weaker, so DUH. Unfortunately, the crowd were not quick-witted enough to point out that Satan having Jesus force demons out of people would do nothing more than give Jesus Judean Street Cred, which would only benefit Satan. It’s called an acceptable loss. I guess the people in the crowd didn’t get CNN.
And then he explains that, by removing demons from people, he is actually totally ruining their lives. When the demons don’t have a new host to drive insane, then they get seven of their buddies and totally destroy the sanity of the original host. Nice, Jesus. Way to ruin all those people.
Maybe he really is doing Satan’s work? I mean, if he casts out all these demons and proves how he’s supposedly a good person, but then seven times that number of demons get to leave Hell to torment the people, so isn’t Satan winning this one?
YAY! I’m about to read about Sodom’s destruction! I bet this will learn me how the gay folk are evil…
Wow. Just wow.
“Hey Lot, send out those visitors so we can put sex in the bums!”
“Gosh, I don’t think that’s right. Here, rape my daughters instead!”
“Don’t judge us or we’ll rape your face! BREAK DOWN THE DOORS, BOYS!”
Are we actually expected to buy this crap? This book gives us morality? Didn’t Lot just try to have his daughters gang raped? What in the blue hell is wrong with these people? And then God murders Lot’s wife for the savage crime of looking back at the city. What a sweet and loving God. I mean, how dare she turn her head? Ugh. What a disgusting book.
But don’t worry, folks. In the next paragraph, Lot’s daughters get him drunk two nights in a row and screw him while he’s in his cups so that they can have inbred babies. That’s not a sin. Having your daughters raped isn’t a sin. Turning around? That’s a sin.
After that blast through the moral teachings of God, the Psalm is just dull and lifeless. All it says is just how neat God is for protecting us from evil. Go team God!
Jim