Some People Need A Paddling

I don’t mean a spanking, either. I mean one of those bastard Catholic school bat the size of my head beatings to the ass in the front of the room for all to see. I was trying to think of another non-religious image to go with the kind of paddling I mean, but the fact of the matter is that it’s Catholics who seem to have a monopoly in my head for all of the worst, most savage humiliations. But yes, that’s the sort of awe-inspiring paddling that some people need. Who’s in the mystical group? Well, for starters there’s a mess of obvious choices, like Catholic priests who like to abuse children. Of course, we’d add pretty much anyone who says that Jesus told them to run for President. And also, the people who caused Rebecca Watson to post this.

Hey, we’re skeptics. We’re generally pretty vocal about our opinions. And we are notorious for not agreeing on much of anything. I get that, and I applaud it. In the words of Ice T, if you’re thinkin what I’m thinkin, then only one of us is thinkin. But Rebecca has been a target for months simply because she spoke her mind. And on what awful topic did she do this horrible deed?

She asked guys not to be creepy to her late at night in a foreign city in the elevator.

I saw the video. I didn’t think she was out of line. She didn’t call out the person who did that to her. She simply said that this was not the time to proposition someone, that she found it highly uncomfortable, and that guys shouldn’t do that. I don’t even understand how that could have made people angry at the time, but it’s months after the fact and she’s still getting horrible messages on a daily basis? Seriously?

Sometimes I forget myself and think that we’re better than that. We’re not. No community is. There are going to be people in every group who are reprehensible toads deserving of a good paddling. I can say this… Anyone I know who wants to grab a beer with me to tell me how Rebecca is a cunt or a slut or a bitch is more than welcome to invite me out, but you’re going to wind up getting your ass kicked. And it’s not because Rebecca’s a friend of mine (we’ve never met), nor is it for her physical appearance, her public persona, or her humor. It’s because you’re way the hell out of line and deserve to get paddled for it.

Only I don’t have a paddle. So I’ll just have to make do and smack the taste out of your mouth. You wouldn’t need it anyway, you’re clearly a classless, tasteless,thoughtless ass.

Jim

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About biguglyjim

Like a caterpillar that spins a coccoon and emerges as a walrus with a mohawk, Big Ugly Jim has become something unexpected. Raised a fine young Christian boy in the city of Calgary, Alberta, Canada, Jim began to question his teachings, first evaluating the wisdom of other religious and eventually realizing that none of them seemed any more accurate than any other, and not a one of them made a lick of sense. Today, Big Ugly Jim is a musician, a Business Analyst with Large Oil Company Whose Name Is Not Important, a music promoter with the Calgary Beer Core, a writer of fiction and non-fiction, a prick, an atheist, a father, an ex-husband, a role model, a horrifying vision in a red speedo (or at least he would be, if ever that happened which IT WOULD NOT), an announcer, and soon to be an officiator of weddings. Also, he's nice and does dishes. Jim continues to live in Calgary, spreading his filthy doctrine of free, critical thinking and appreciation for music. And ladies, he's single! Hard to imagine, I know, but this loud-mouthed old timer who never grew up's turn-ons include people who can think for themselves, people who aren't afraid of a good giggle or a good pint, and people who know how to give back rubs. His turn-offs include people being shitty to each other, fundamentalism, and zebras. Fucking zebras... Who the hell do they think they are, really?

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