Dear Church Of Jesus Christ, Latter Day Saints,

I’m sure by now you have heard the news, all that fundraising you did to raise the $39.9 million to make sure that gay people could not marry has been wasted. The State of California has found that Proposition 8 has been deemed unconstitutional. This must come as a pretty big blow (Haha! Get it? Blow?) to your own marriages, as we know that gay marriage will surely mean the destruction of the institution of marriage. I’m sure that you will all take it on the chin (Haha! Get it? On the chin?) like champs and go out and marry men or orangutans or what have you, because that is what gay marriage means to you.

Of course, you can always appeal and take this to the Supreme Court, which probably makes a lot of sense. It’s a Republican-dominated court who will no doubt see your point of view. But at least for the time being, gay men and women can marry other gay men and women and will actually be seen as your equals.

Wait a minute. The LDS church is fighting to protect marriage? Aren’t you guys the people who started your faith with plural marriage? I know you got rid of that officially a long time ago, but there are plenty of your fundamentalist offshoots that still practice plural marriage. And I’m not certain about this fact, but doesn’t your vision of heaven involve a man becoming a God who is given a contingent of women for wives?

Listen, I don’t want to sound confrontational, I just think that maybe you need to let sleeping dogs lie on this one. You gave it your best shot, but it’s time to let the gay people have their marriages too. You took that huge leap of accepting that black people were human, why not give the same respect to gays? I know, it sucks (Haha! Get it? Sucks?) to have to admit defeat, but in this one, it’s time.

Your pal,
 
Jim