My friend Corrinna has convinced me that peanut butter cookies should be worshipped. Hold on, I’m going somewhere with this. For starters, they’re delicious, and they come with a built-in test of faith. If you aren’t pure when you eat them, you die from anaphylaxis, which of course is just the science term for weak faith. I don’t honestly subscribe to this notion, but it seems as random as any other faith out there.

What I want to add to this plan is the idea that our religious doctrine was whispered by the peanut butter cookie into the ear of the great and loving prophetess, Britney Spears. And if you display pictures of her, we are ordered by our faith to consider this blasphemy punishable by death.

Find a bad aspect of this plan. I double-dog-dare you.

Jim