A Homeopathic Remedy That Works

I have finally come up with a valid homeopathic remedy, and this being Homeopathy Awareness Week (see posts by Orac (here and here) and Steven Novella) I figured I would share this brilliant cure with you free of charge, in the spirit of open source thinking.

There is a very dangerous chemical that can cause all manner of damage both to people and to property if it is not contained and maintained. Of course, this chemical I am talking about is fire. Fire can destroy everything from Chinese food to houses to you! Our bodies naturally come with defences to this fire; our bodies were intelligently designed to be made up of a large amount of water! But water is not enough, as can be evidenced by the fact that our flesh still burns if there is enough exposure to this environmental toxin.

Homeopathy has the solution! When you see fire, capture some of it on a stick and bring it to some properly distilled water. Place the fire in the water. You will hear a hissing sound and see some smoke come from the water. This is the process of the cytocrystals within the water memorizing the nature of fire. Do not be alarmed! Now, as quickly as possible while the fire rages, succuss the far-too-potent water mixture (you saw what it did to fire, this is potent stuff!) and dilute some more. Succuss. Dilute. Repeat until you have a 12C suspension of fire molecules to water molecules. At this point, you may be tempted to form the solution into tasty pellets, but the remedy is more effective if it is delivered in liquid form to the base (or “foot”) of the fire.

At this point you should notice an immediate and obvious reduction in the fire. This of course is proof that the remedy is scientifically sound, despite the fact that any scientist or doctor will tell you that water will not cure fire. They are so blinded by Big Pharma that they refuse all of our evidence, even the double-blinded test where subjects were not aware of which leg was on fire and which was merely exposed to a heat lamp. If the fire has not been completely cured, you may need to prepare some more remedy.

Do not call the fire department. They are nothing more than a monopoly who want to ensure that the only accepted remedy for fire is their remedy. And guess what? Their remedy? It’s nothing more than WATER! That’s right! Talk about a placebo. No wonder there are billions of dollars of damage every year from fires across the world. Big Pharma makes more money through home renovations than they do through fighting fires, so why would they care if your house burns down?

Jim

This entry was posted in alternative medicine, sarcasm, woo by biguglyjim. Bookmark the permalink.

About biguglyjim

Like a caterpillar that spins a coccoon and emerges as a walrus with a mohawk, Big Ugly Jim has become something unexpected. Raised a fine young Christian boy in the city of Calgary, Alberta, Canada, Jim began to question his teachings, first evaluating the wisdom of other religious and eventually realizing that none of them seemed any more accurate than any other, and not a one of them made a lick of sense. Today, Big Ugly Jim is a musician, a Business Analyst with Large Oil Company Whose Name Is Not Important, a music promoter with the Calgary Beer Core, a writer of fiction and non-fiction, a prick, an atheist, a father, an ex-husband, a role model, a horrifying vision in a red speedo (or at least he would be, if ever that happened which IT WOULD NOT), an announcer, and soon to be an officiator of weddings. Also, he's nice and does dishes. Madly enamoured with his partner, The Lovely Lady, Jim continues to live in Calgary, spreading his filthy doctrine of free, critical thinking and appreciation for music. His turn-ons include and are utterly limited to all that is The Lovely Lady. His turn-offs include people being shitty to each other, fundamentalism, and zebras. Who the hell do they think they are, really?

5 thoughts on “A Homeopathic Remedy That Works

  1. Practicing homeopathy without a license again, I see, well, may a bovine sprinkler system dilute your household to 12C. How do you like them apples???

  2. This is awesome! I have had recurring “being on fire” since I was a child and not one single doctor told me about this! All they would do was say to “be careful” or “use a fire extinguisher”. A fire extinguisher!? Our ancestors never used one and they were FINE! Plus, it has so many terrible chemicals.

    Thank you, Jim. Next time I catch on fire I’ll be using your method and curing myself the way my body intended.

  3. We here at Meddling Kids strive to not just raise awareness, but raise hope for all those who suffer from the tragedy of “being on fire”. In fact, we are soon to unleash a new website called GenerationBeingOnFire. We’re hopeful now that Jim Carrey has some free time that he will lend his considerable talents to helping us show the Big Pharma conspirators for what they truly are.

  4. Don’t believe the Pro-Vaxxers’ claims that you can vaccinate your precious kiddies against catching fire!
    I could direct you to *millions* of these claims, but don’t have the time at the moment.
    Homeopathy can cure a distended wallet, too.

  5. You’re going to trust Michael *KINGSFORD* Gray, heir to the Kingsford Charcoal fotune?  Beware Big BarBQ!  Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
     

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>