I have finally come up with a valid homeopathic remedy, and this being Homeopathy Awareness Week (see posts by Orac (here and here) and Steven Novella) I figured I would share this brilliant cure with you free of charge, in the spirit of open source thinking.
There is a very dangerous chemical that can cause all manner of damage both to people and to property if it is not contained and maintained. Of course, this chemical I am talking about is fire. Fire can destroy everything from Chinese food to houses to you! Our bodies naturally come with defences to this fire; our bodies were intelligently designed to be made up of a large amount of water! But water is not enough, as can be evidenced by the fact that our flesh still burns if there is enough exposure to this environmental toxin.
Homeopathy has the solution! When you see fire, capture some of it on a stick and bring it to some properly distilled water. Place the fire in the water. You will hear a hissing sound and see some smoke come from the water. This is the process of the cytocrystals within the water memorizing the nature of fire. Do not be alarmed! Now, as quickly as possible while the fire rages, succuss the far-too-potent water mixture (you saw what it did to fire, this is potent stuff!) and dilute some more. Succuss. Dilute. Repeat until you have a 12C suspension of fire molecules to water molecules. At this point, you may be tempted to form the solution into tasty pellets, but the remedy is more effective if it is delivered in liquid form to the base (or “foot”) of the fire.
At this point you should notice an immediate and obvious reduction in the fire. This of course is proof that the remedy is scientifically sound, despite the fact that any scientist or doctor will tell you that water will not cure fire. They are so blinded by Big Pharma that they refuse all of our evidence, even the double-blinded test where subjects were not aware of which leg was on fire and which was merely exposed to a heat lamp. If the fire has not been completely cured, you may need to prepare some more remedy.
Do not call the fire department. They are nothing more than a monopoly who want to ensure that the only accepted remedy for fire is their remedy. And guess what? Their remedy? It’s nothing more than WATER! That’s right! Talk about a placebo. No wonder there are billions of dollars of damage every year from fires across the world. Big Pharma makes more money through home renovations than they do through fighting fires, so why would they care if your house burns down?