Let’s Bring Back Polio

There’s a lot of really important talk about vaccines these days, people questioning the pros and cons of using advanced medical knowledge to get rid of diseases that we don’t need to get. Sitting here in my house suffering the coughing and congestion that I am assuming to be swine flu, I know why some people might want to avoid this disease. But are we kidding ourselves?

Shouldn’t people just accept illness as a part of Jesus’s plan for them? Our lives are written in His Father’s book before we even begin them, so aren’t we trying to Cliff Notes out the bad parts? Certainly, with an argument that cogent, I think it makes sense to assume that vaccines are works of not the good lord, but his dark and evil enemy who I will not name here for fear that Satan would then have access to hurt me. Of course he’s an avid blog-reader.

Shouldn’t we try to build up immunities to every disease by suffering through them? Won’t that make us better people? Whether it’s swine flu, measles, mumps, rubella, polio, AIDS, cancer, whooping cough, growing pains, herpes, gout, or lupus, aren’t we simply having our bodies tested? For those of us who are strong enough to survive, we are simply the better for it. And if we aren’t strong enough and we die, do we really want out weakness to continue through the evolutionary tree?

And what about the toxic constituents of vaccinations? We all know that even one part per million of mercury will kill a fully grown healthy male after first infecting them with autism. Is that how you want to live your life?

And more importantly, what about the right to life of the virus? Nobody’s talking about that. A virus was invented by God to do his bidding, and who are we to murder them? Life begins at infection, and aren’t all doctors merely abortionists slaughtering an army of viral babies?

But I think the best argument to end vaccinations comes from the people of Nigeria. I don’t know much about Nigeria, aside from some facts gleaned from an email conversation with the wife of their deposed king, a sweet Christian woman who I am going to be helping with an undisclosed financial issue that will leave me a much wealthier man. It’s nice to be able to do things for people.

According to Nigerians, Allah used his most brilliant muslim scientists to evaluate the Satanic polio vaccine and uncover it’s sinister truth, that it was designed not to fight polio (which is a disease whose name derives from the Spanish word pollo, meaning chicken) but to sterilize the faithful and remove the Islamic faith from the world.

It’s clear that vaccines are evil. So let’s just get rid of them! It just makes sense.

Jim